HUMAN HEAD CARTOONS

          On Tuesday, January 17th, two dog walkers on a trail in the Hollywood Hills discovered a human head in a bag. One of their dogs started playing with it. Here's the story:
http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/local/los_angeles&id=8509333
          Of course I drew a few quick cartoons inspired by it:

FRIDAY the 13th

          I'm not at all superstitious about Friday the 13th, or anything else for that matter. (Except for black cats crossing my path, but that's another story)
          BUT...
          Here's why today sucks:
          First off I finally received a response to my middle grade fantasy novel, which I had submitted to an editor with a big well-known publisher. It was a rejection, which is always a bummer, but I have to say the REASONS why my story wasn't right for him made me laugh out loud, considering the obscene and irreverent nature of a lot of my previous work. Here's what the editor said:

"Thank you for letting me read this, but I don't think it will work on my list as the story seems too old-fashioned and twee for my taste. Good luck finding the right publisher for this."

          I don't love having my work rejected, but I understand his reasons and kind of enjoy being called old-fashioned and twee. Especially since just last night I listed two "My Little Penis" coffee mugs on Etsy.
          The other reason today sucks is that I had to sit here at my desk and listen to a discussion/debate between a student and a substitute teacher about whether or not gay people deserve equal rights. It was a Social Studies class, and they're researching the different presidential candidates and their stances on the major issues.
          The student is Mormon, and VERY insistently anti gay marriage. The substitute did an AWESOME job of questioning the kid's faulty reasoning and trying to make him see the other side of the issue. But I have heard this kid go on about it before, and he's unfortunately full of brazen confidence and good-natured smiles and Mormon brain-washing. Blond, blue eyes, clean cut, just as you would expect. He's always been extremely polite and respectful to my face, and he KNOWS I'm gay, and married to a dude. It's amazing how people like that can sit right there in front of you and argue why you shouldn't have the same civil rights they do, and expect you to just accept it.
          It's like they expect you to react the way you would if the disagreement were over which is better, chocolate or vanilla ice cream. No big deal, right?
          So I listened to them go back and forth for a while, respecting each other's opinions, smiling and laughing, yet making their points. Finally I got up and said, "You know what? I wasn't going to say anything, but I have to. You all know I'm gay, and that I have a husband. Well, it's really weird for me to sit here and listen to you guys debate whether or not I should have the same rights everyone else does. I just think you should consider that, and try to imagine what it's like for me. It's like if you were arguing in favor of racism right in front of a black person."
          The kid tried to say that it's not discrimination, and he had all sorts of weird incorrect ideas obviously from his church. He was saying that if they make gay marriage legal, then if a church won't marry gay people, they'll have their tax-exempt status removed, and go bankrupt, and it's not right for the poor churches to go bankrupt over that. I finally interrupted and said, "It IS discrimination. What you want is the right to discriminate, and you should just be HONEST about that."
          I also said that during the 6 months or so that it was legal in California, my husband and I had a civil marriage ceremony, we certainly didn't FORCE ourselves into anyone's church, and I didn't hear about any OTHER gay couples doing that. I told him I wasn't even sure if he was correct that a church could be forced to hold gay marriages. I said, "I wouldn't want any part of a church that didn't respect and honor my marriage, anyway. Why would we want that?"
          Another issue the substitute had raised was the right for a gay person's partner to be involved in medical/health decisions, and hospital visiting rights. The kid actually, honestly, said, "Oh, but that's such a minor thing!" He even argued with the substitute about HOW minor that issue is. And he was not kidding. And he's a SENIOR. And we're a college prep academy.
          I told him it may seem like a very minor thing to him, at his age, but my husband is diabetic and it has and could in the future be a very real issue for us. It is VERY important.
          I tried my best to be firm yet not seem angry, and to give the impression that I respect the Mormon kid's viewpoints, even though I most certainly do not.
          I know some gay people might have thought it wiser to say nothing, but I REFUSE to make it easy for anybody to debate my equal rights in front of my face. Especially when the person arguing my rights away KNOWS I'm gay. That is seriously fucked up. It's like that type of person banks on me (the minority) being too intimidated to say anything.
          Needless to say, my nerves were totally shaken by the time that period ended, but I was determined not to show it.

BABY DWARF BEARS ARE EASILY OFFENDED

From the back cover of "Skelebunnies Spanktacular"

          I recently applied for a Capital One card, and used the "upload image" option so I could personalize the image on my card. Above is the image I uploaded, which I do have the rights to, since I drew it. Then I received the following message from Capital One:

Sorry, we were unable to approve the image you submitted


The image you submitted for your Capital One Image Card has been rejected. We will not approve any images that contain the following:


Libelous, defamatory, sexually explicit, or other content we deem offensive, including discrimination, "hate speech," or socially unacceptable groups (gangs).


If you believe that you have been declined in error, please call us at...

          I seriously doubt the crying baby dwarf bear would be deemed hateful or socially unacceptable, and he certainly not in a gang. His penis is not visible, and the Skelebunny doesn't have genitalia. The mummified heads in the ice cream cone don't seem to fit any of the forbidden categories, either. Unless there is a baby dwarf bear working at Capital One who objected to my portrayal of his kind as being defamatory, I believe they declined the image in error.
          I called the number, explained my case, and the helpful employee giggled, apologized, and wrote up a counter-claim or something. When I told her I actually drew the image and have the right to use it, she asked if I had a website, and took that down. Maybe I'll end up with a new fan because of this. Or else they'll blacklist me from ever getting credit with them again. Because of the offended baby dwarf bears on their payroll.

I KNEW AN OLD WITCH

     When I was in kindergarten, we were taught a Halloween song called "I Knew an Old Witch." I memorized it, and my parents had a cassette tape recording of me singing it, bubbling over with enthusiasm and giggles. That tape is still around somewhere, and occasionally resurfaces. And I still sing that song every year, at least once. Here are the lyrics as I learned them:

I Knew an Old Witch

I knew an old witch

believe it if you can!

She knocked on the windowsill and ran, ran, ran.

She ran helter-skelter with her toes in the air,

Corn stalks flying out of the old witch's hair.

Swish went the broom,

Meow went the cat,

PLOP went the old frog sitting on her hat.

It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen,

Hurrah hooray for Halloween!

     I looked around online for it, and all I could track down was this page: http://canteach.ca/elementary/songspoems8.html
     It's a teacher resource page of Halloween songs, and they're not accredited to anyone, so I'm not sure where the song originally came from. Plus, the lyrics are a little different from the way I learned them. Which means they're wrong. But here they are anyway:

There Was an Old Witch

There was an old witch
Believe it if you can,
She tapped on the windows
And she ran, ran, ran.
she ran helter skelter with her toes in the air,
Cornstalks flying from the old witches' hair.

Swish goes the broomstick, meow goes the cat,
Plop goes the hop-toad sitting on her hat.
"Whee,"chuckled I, "What fun, what fun!"
Hallowe'en night when the witches run!

The '90s...

          A student with the school newspaper just did a short interview with me about the '90s. She's writing an article about things that were popular then, and trying to get the perspective of those who were either teens or young adults in that decade. She had a list of TV shows (My So-Called Life, Twin Peaks, Friends, South Park, etc), fashion and music (grunge, etc), and even toys from the '90s.
          One of the toys listed was "Furbies." I admitted I DID own a baby Furby that wouldn't die. It kept blinking its eyes and chattering and groaning and cooing until we finally put it underneath a cabinet, way back against the wall where it would get very little light/stimulation. It's probably still there.

I will not die. I WILL NOT DIE.

          I brought up "Riot Grrl," which the student had heard of, and she immediately said, "Oh, like Bikini Kill!" I was VERY pleased that she knew of them. She also knows who Courtney Love is. I told her one of the best concerts I've ever been to was Hole, up in L.A. right after the release of "Live Through This." We talked about Nirvana, and Korn, too. She'd never heard of Babes in Toyland, which is a shame. I hope she looks them up.

I miss Courtney's '90s face. The plastic surgery is a tragedy.

          I told her I loved grunge fashion, like the plaid flannel shirts, slouchy jeans, and wallet chains. I said I thought maybe the term "indie," short for independent, was a particularly '90s buzzword. I asked her if she knew what "zines" were, and she did. She even knew they were related to the feminist/Riot Grrl movement. She did NOT know that Bikini Kill was a zine before it was a band, and she seemed to find that very interesting.

          When I started to make a pot of coffee, I suddenly remembered that "goth" was a pop culture explosion in the '90s, so I crept over and told her that, too. I explained that the movement existed before, but was called different things, regionally. Like in my high school it was "deathrock." But sometime in the '90s (because of Marilyn Manson, maybe) the term "Goth" invaded pop culture so that everyone was familiar with it, or at least the bastard pop culture version of it.

          She suggested that the movie The Craft had something to do with the '90s popularity of "Goth," and I chirped, "I love that movie! It's one of my favorites!" I did NOT tell her that I've watched it probably 50 times, and own it on VHS and DVD.
          I feel like a child of the '70s, '80s, AND '90s. I guess I've had a protracted childhood.

HALLOWEEN PLAYLIST

          I cannot sleep tonight for some stupid reason, so I created a Halloween playlist in iTunes. Here's a link to it:

http://c.itunes.apple.com/us/imix/halloween-playlist-2011/id471835573

          I had to sign up for "Ping" to do it. You don't have to sign up for Ping to view the list, though. I've been avoiding Ping because the name is irritating, like a sound your car would make that signifies a problem. Plus it's yet another "social networking" thing. Ugh. But here I am using it...

DUMPSTER DIVING : Viny L Baby

"Oh my god! I swear the body was there when we buried it!"

          Covered in creeping vines, the Lesbian baby crawled out of its coffin in the dumpster and made its way out into the hungry night...